Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
