Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
