I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
