yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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