I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize