I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
