I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
