i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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