Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
