Soap is not a condiment
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
