You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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