I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
