Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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