There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
