I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
