I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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