we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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