didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
