She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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