You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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