Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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