She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
