im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
