Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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