I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
