Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
