You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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