YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
