Plan B is the new Plan A
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
