Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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