are you so shy because you have an std?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
