i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
