I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
