Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
