Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
