i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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