I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
