So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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