and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
