Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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