dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
