I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
