I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
