I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
