What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
