I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You made out with two different species that night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
