Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
