She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize