It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I did not marry a roomba.
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