Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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