You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
