loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm getting married
To pizza
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
