but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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