All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
