No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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