No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Boobs speak an international language.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
