my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
