That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
