Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
