I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
