PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
