Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
