i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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