Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
