You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize