i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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