Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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