I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
